break
by Mirror Of Words
Summary: in your life, i'm just a lowercase. even in my own. i'm only that significant before i blend in within the other masses. i will never be like that girl, an uppercase. i'll never have you. it 's just as it should be. but... at least, let me see you again? just one last time... —MagmaJewelShipping, one-shot.


**title: **break

**summary: **in your life, i'm just a lowercase. even in my own. one in a million team magma pawns. one in so many participating in the contests for a shot of fame. i'm only that significant before i blend in within the other masses. i will never be like that girl, an uppercase. i'll never have you. it's just as it should be. but... at least, let me see you again? just one last time...

**rating: **k+

**prompts used: **otherworldly, ostensible, ouroboros

**character(s)/pairing: **magmajewelshipping (ruby/courtney)

**condition: **one-shot, complete.

**word count: **806

**a/n**: my last story before i go into exam mode. this is a challenge on the pokémon fanfiction challenges forum (which everyone should check out if you've yet to), the lowercase challenge. i think i messed some things up, though...

enjoy!

* * *

_if you won't love me, there's no need for me._

...

why had i felt i held such meaning towards you?

ever since our paths crossed, that day in the rusturf tunnels, i felt as if a connection had been established between us. you were a mirror image of myself - my past self. i needed to find out everything about you. i needed to know.

this overwhelming feeling that ensnared me whenever i met that perfect red hues of your fittingly _ruby_ eyes, it was beyond my grasp.

i was sure i had burrowed everything deep within me, my embarrassing past, those wistful days of planting berries and wanting my pokémon to appear outstanding before everyone else. i didn't want that anymore - i didn't need that anymore. into the flames those ribbons went, fleck by fleck diminishing into nothingness. i wasn't that girl anymore, that girl who dreamed big for her pokémon and herself, who enjoyed basking within the limelight. no. i was a member of team magma. an admin. not some silly girl with childish aspirations.

just the thought of you brought me back to those days.

it's funny, isn't it? i want you so bad, even if i know i can't have you. i want you to love me, even if i've vanished into the deep tresses of your memory. but i know that's not possible. that resolve, that determination searing within your ruby gaze at the subject of that girl you're so infatuated with told me all i needed to know and more. you and the girl, _click._

there's nothing more to it than that.

i feel like i'm chasing my own shadow, trying to have you love me. i'm running and running but i can't even grasp at you, tread my finger into yours; you're always a step ahead, and you disappear right when i'm close, close enough to feel the_ thump-thump-thump_ of your heart in the midst of the tension, to feel your solid will and determination radiating out of your being; you just shy away when i'm a heartbeat away from you, and all that's left is the feeling of sore emptiness, a void existence.

i know you care. i know you hold an inkling of feeling towards me, how the desperation in your voice told me all, that you wished to free me, have us bring the world to salvation together, if not with the girl you so desperately wished to protect. how you wanted me to hand on, to hang on to my only hope - _you_ - before giving up. i'm grateful for it. i can't be happier than that.

but man will never be satisfied with their possessions, forever yearning for more. the crisis going on outside everyone's so desperate to stop? it's a perfect demonstration.

i yearn for more. i want you to have pushed me away then, telling me despite it all, i'm just as important as the girl you held close to your heart - even more. i want you to have hug despite my refusal, i'm not letting you go just like that. i want you to have held my hand, and tell me, we can do this. together. i'm not leaving you. you're worth more than you can imagine to me. more than this crisis could affect the world.

more than her.

but that's not how things are. they wouldn't be right, that way.

it's just how it should be.

in your life, i'm just a lowercase, if you will. even in my own. one in a million team magma pawns. one in so many participating in the contests for a shot of fame. i'm only that significant before i blend in within the other masses. i will never be like that girl, an uppercase. i'll be in the shadows, watching your backs as you slowly fade away from sight. that's it. that's all i'll ever be.

i will never have you. maybe i did, for those few fleeting moments, but that was it. you're destined to be with the girl, just as you and her were bestowed with the jewel's fate.

it's just how it should be.

it's just... how... it should be...

but can't i even dream of this unachievable dream? at least, let me have this privilege.

don't you think so too?

...

...

_ruby._

...

i know you can save the world, ruby. whether you do it alone, whether you're with the girl, whether you and i will never see each other again. whether the world goes down in ruins. i know you can do it.

please, just hear my last wish?

i want to see you again. i don't know. if it's in another life, if i'm reincarnated, if i have to see everything fall apart again.

_i just want to see you again..._

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**a/n: **i think i messed up courtney's characterization a little. i don't follow the manga as much as i should (although i had volume 22 for reference in convenience, hmm). and i chucked in the lowercase theme and the ouroboros prompt at the last second (i thought ouroboros was just a self-eating serpent and didn't realise it actually had a meaning, and i completely forgot about the lowercase theme otl). but i think i'm actually happy with how this turned out!

also i tried to incorporate the prompts by concealing them within the context? not sure if it worked out or not, but meh. i digress. i rushed through this a little because i needed to get it out before exams begin.

what did you think about it? do leave a review with your thoughts! criticism appreciated.


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